The Future In My Rear View Mirror

My wife and I spend quite a bit of time in our Honda Odyssey. When we had our 4th child, no single sedan could hold our family, so the minivan was our only option. In the many miles that have since traversed, I am always reminded of the future that I see in my rear view mirror. I look back and I see our youngest buckled in safely in his baby car seat, our next youngest in his booster seat, the two older boys getting so tall that I can hardly fit them in the same view. What a blessing I feel as I start up the engine each time, realizing how precious a cargo I hold. Every time I get in the minivan with my boys, I realize that the future sits behind me. What will these boys do? All of them will effect so many lives during the decades that stretch before them. I cherish every moment with them and I hope to see them in my rear view mirror for just a little longer time. No matter what speed I drive, I know that the time will go by fast.

30 Year Reunion

A couple weeks ago I attended my 30 year high school reunion. It brought back so many good memories of growing up in Santa Clara. Back in the 60's and 70's it seemed like life was so much simpler and less stressful. Of course there was just as much stress back then, but I was in elementary school and my parents kept us sheltered from the stress. That's really what a parent's role is - to create a nurturing environment for the children to learn, grow, and thrive. It's like a farmer that tends the soil, removes the rocks, prays for rain, provides water/fertilizer, and watches out for bugs. My parents immigrated to the US from Taiwan in their mid-age, so that us children would have a better life. My father was a professor, while my mother baby-sat to provide for the family.

At the reunion, the old friends have less hair, more weight, and poor eyesight. They gave us name tags with small fonts, so everyone was leaning in and squinting to read the name on the name tags. "Oh my - it's Mark!" as someone finally recognizes the person in front of them. We laughed, we shared about our families, we cried for the ones that had already passed away. Yes, I guess we are getting old enough when some friends are beginning to pass away. Lots of mid-life crisis with divorces and career changes. I have had my share of losses with my brother and parents passing away since the last reunion. It's true that no one is immune to calamities and each life has its share of good as well as bad times. It was great to see old friends, because we know now how special childhood can be when your parents create a nurturing environment for you to grow. We have our own children now so we know that life isn't stress free, but we also work hard to provide a safe place for our children to grow.

The Buchser High School Class of '79 will always have a special place in my heart. It was great to see old friends and laugh.

My 3 year old is smarter than me

My wife and I try to feed our boys nutritious meals and snacks. Low sugar, no saturated fats, low salt, organic fruits, whatever we can do to find the best foods for our boys. I have been trained well to always read the labels and not be fooled when the package says "0 gram of trans fat per serving." Apparently the manufacturers are rounding to zero for very small serving sizes, because there are trans. fats in the package, just not enough to quantify per serving. We allow them to have sweets, but not too much. Our rationing of sweets has of course resulted in creating sweet-toothed monsters in our boys. Whenever, they are at a birthday party or after game snack, to say they binge on sweets would be an understatement. My wife and I are trying to find a healthy balance, so that we do not go overboard.

Today my 3 year old wanted to have a juice box. Well, I told him that he could only have one today and that he would need to eat lunch first. he agreed and ate a good sized lunch. In the afternoon he was whining and wanted to have another juice box. I mentioned to him that he already had one and that we agreed to one a day. I also made up a story, as parents are prone to do, that if he had another one it would make his tommy ache. My 3 year old, clearly smarter than I am, said "I want my tummy to ache." I couldn't win the argument, so I gave him another juice box, after which he said to me, "hey my tummy feels fine."

But I want the blue one!

I'm surprised that I have not written about this topic in the past, as it occurs daily. We have 3 self-powered scooters at our house. Unfortunately for me, they are all different in color. My 7 year old was riding the blue one and my 3 year old wanted it. I told him that there were 2 other scooters available for him to ride. But of course, "I want the blue one." No amount of reasoning or convincing could deter my 3 year old from getting his hands on the blue scooter. I made all kinds of promises to my 7 year old to give his younger brother the blue scooter. You can play on the Nintendo DS, you get a juice box, you can be a good big brother etc... Well finally, with a lot of reluctance my 7 year old agreed and dropped the scooter about 3 feet away from his little brother, at least to have a little victory that his little brother had to walk to the scooter. Less than 5 minutes later the little brother was no longer interested in scootering, blue, yellow, or any color for that matter.

My wife and I try to buy 2 or 4 of the same exact things whenever we pick up new things. The scooters unfortunately came at different times, so we could not coordinate the colors. It doesn't really matter, because whatever your brother has is always better than what you have, so I must have it.

Potty Training - One Last Time

My youngest son turned 3 in April and my wife and I have been too busy to potty train him. It actually takes a lot of coordination to potty train as you can imagine. If you are training a 3 year old and have to run to pick up one of your other children, then there is always the chance (highly likely) that there will be an "accident" in the car on the way to the baseball practice or at the person's home where you are picking up one of the other brothers. You see, potty training is a home activity. You need to be able to access a potty within 3 seconds and 10 feet if possible (maybe 20 feet). For a child that has in his whole young life always went potty whenever and where-ever he wanted, distance and time to a toilet is not high on his list.

As parents you are on the clock, constantly reminding yourself to either ask or take the potty trainee to the toilet. An empty bladder is a good thing. Modern society has of course invented the "pull up" diaper. They are elastic waisted so the child feels like he is wearing briefs, but just in case he has an accident there is no spillage. We love pull-up diapers even if they are a bit more expensive and don't hold as much "stuff." You have to call the "pull up" diapers as "underwear" and NOT diapers. Because if you call them "diapers," then you child will not know that he is being potty trained. It's a very complex process, which every parent will eventually have to go through, but the reward is oh so wonderful. We have four boys and have only been out of diapers as a family for about 6 months during that 11 year span. I'm not complaining, just presenting the facts.

Yes, I do dream of a time when I don't have to change diapers any more. If I am fortunate to become a grandfather, I will not volunteer to change the diaper - I've done my share. I have changed diapers in all the usual spots, and also at the baseball game in the stands, at the ski lodge all bundled in thermals and ski bibs, in the car (of course), in the plane, on a ship, you name it. Don't get me started on the times when the diaper has slipped off the bed due to the diaper-ee fussing and my natural instinct to grab a falling object - only to realize that that was not a good idea. Oh the stories I have...

I am counting down the days...